NEWSFLASH! Gyms gear up for 'Gulity Tuesday'

Gyms nationwide are gearing up for a new membership frenzy on 2nd January aka Guilty Tuesday'.

"We've drafted in extra reception staff and crash barriers to deal with the rush" noted Jazzy Abs, Head of Fat Shaming at TotalDavidBannatybeFitnessDirect Gyms.

"We expect the gyms to be at full capacity for the week ending 7th January, 50% up to 21 Jan, before reverting back to the status quo of 4.87% -or 0.52% if you exclude nightclub doormen - Jazzy flexed.