NEWSFLASH - Pro-cyclist PASSES drug test but admits to doping anyway
A pro-cyclist has passed a drug test but admitted to doping anyway.
Journeyman pro Christoph Conta-Wigana made the dramatic admission after achieving a season-best finish of 157th in the 'Tour of Rutland and adjoining counties'.
Speaking at a Nice press conference via a trainee interpreter the native Slovakian -now living in Southern Chad as a VAT exile- commented:
"It eees sooo easy to pass that I wanna make a stand by your man you know ha ha!! Wow check her with the pink microphone!! I would tap that right up!!"
Speaking via a hastily arranged, non-trainee interpreter Wigana went on....
"For the record I took performance enhancing drugs - for all the use they were. I wish to categorically state that I took drugs and will not be using any of these tried and tested, get out of jail free excuses...... (i) Ate contaminated meat (ii) Followed Doctor's advice (iii) Took freely available prescription medicine which I thought it would be a right laugh to have couriered 1,500 miles rather than just nip over the road to le Supermarche (iv) Liberally applied cream where the sun don't shine for a saddle sore, only to subsequently discover that its full of shit-loads of drugs!!"