NEWSFLASH! - Southern Rail negotiators set to join Government's BREXIT team

A leaked memo reveals that the Government intends to supplement its BREXIT team in Brussels with negotiators from Southern Rail.

"A lack of qualified civil servants means we will be drawing on the Southern Rail team's expertise." the memo states. "They have now spent almost two years negotiating the role of conductors, and we are confident that their extensive expertise will prove invaluable in bringing a speedy resolution to the BREXIT process."

Some, however, have questioned this logic, suggesting that both Southern Rail and the RMT are in fact "shit" at negotiating.  There are also unconfirmed rumours that the Government's reconciliation services ACAS is likely to soon insist on a winner takes all game of 'Paper, Scissors, Stone'.  To support its stance ACAS has quoted the following examples of people actually cracking on and getting things done.

  • Treaty of Versailles - 175 days
  • American Constitution - 113 days
  • Formation of Coalition Government following 2010 election - 15 days
  • 'One Manchester' concert - 13 days
  • DIY SOS - Couple of hours